I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
