Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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