now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
