She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize