I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
