We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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