he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize