Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
