it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
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But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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