By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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