I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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