My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
