I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
