I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
