Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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