Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
