I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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