Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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