shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
