I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.