hotel room ftw
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.