Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
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Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
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I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.