I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
