Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
two words: eviction party
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
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If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?