I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?