would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.