I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
