spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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