Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
