Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
