Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
