where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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