Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
