someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
