now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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