It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
