please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
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Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
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