Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Someone came in the potted fern
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
