listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
