omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
