i love accidental penises.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
