You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
