Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
