even my farts smell like vagina
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
