I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
