The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
