We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She made me pour olive oil on her.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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