you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
