I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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