if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
