My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
