I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize