I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
