When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you traded sex for a burrito?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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