i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
