if i can run in heels then i can drive
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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