i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
