I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
