I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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