Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
